Rules of Engagement - A Wedding Homily

Congratulations to Anna and Chris, who celebrated their marriage today!

          A few months ago during one of our marriage preparation sessions, Anna and Chris explained to me some of the challenges that Chris’s work travel introduces into their relationship. Just when they get used to being together, Chris has to travel, and they’re apart for an extended period of time. As soon as they get used to being apart, Chris is back, and they start all over again. We joked that their relationship was kind of like the movie Groundhog Day, where Bill Murray lives the same day over and over again. I left that conversation very impressed with Anna and Chris, because it was clear to me that they’ve figured out how to make their relationship work – they’ve established, to use a military term, rules of engagement for the times they’re together and the times they’re apart. The readings that Anna and Chris have chosen for their ceremony this morning give us some insight into what those rules of engagement are.

          In our first reading from Genesis, we learn that in his infinite wisdom, God determined that “[i]t is not good for man to be alone.” So God created woman, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, to be man’s lifelong companion and partner. From the very beginning of time, men and women were created to come together as husband and wife so they wouldn’t be alone. We’re meant to be together, but sometimes the responsibilities and challenges of life keep us apart. The success of a marriage, then, depends upon shared rules of engagement – ways to preserve, protect and strengthen a marriage in your times together and your times apart.

          What are the rules of engagement for a successful marriage? Well, our Gospel introduces us to the Beatitudes – the eight blessings shared by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. The Beatitudes can be understood as spiritual qualities that lead to a happy life. You might even say that the Beatitudes are Jesus’ rules of engagement for a blessed life. We learn from among the Beatitudes that the humble, the righteous, the merciful, the pure of heart and the peacemakers are truly blessed. I think that we can all agree that these are wonderful qualities – great rules of engagement – to bring to a marriage.

          Saint Paul, in our second reading, brings these rules of engagement into crisper focus when he summarizes the Beatitudes with one word – love. Love is the most excellent way. God created us in love; God sustains us in love; God brings us together in love; and God commands us to love. There’s no rule of engagement greater than love, and no rule of engagement more important for a successful marriage than love.

          And that brings me back to that marriage preparation session when I realized that you’d figured out how to make your relationship work. I realized that your rules of engagement are based on love. During our time together, I’ve seen meekness in Anna in the way she accepts Chris’s difficult travel schedule, and righteousness when Chris’s sense of humor gets a little too close to the line. I’ve seen great mercy in Chris when he cleans up Anna’s mess, and a peacemaker when he agrees to fried chicken when he really wants shrimp for dinner. In all of this, I see great love. I see that your relationship works in your times together and your times apart because you’ve figured out how to love each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. You’ve figured out that love is the ultimate rule of engagement that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

          At the end of Groundhog Day, Bill Murray realizes that he can make each repeated day a little better by changing the way he responds to the people and events he encounters over and over again. Anna and Chris, you’ll have the same opportunity to change every day of your marriage for the better by responding to each other over and over again with humility, righteousness, mercy, purity of heart, and peace. If you continue to live by those rules of engagement, you will live together in love, and as Saint Paul tells us, love never fails.


Readings: Genesis 2: 18-24; Psalm 148; 1 Corinthians 12: 31-13: 8a; Matthew 5: 1-12a