Just What I Needed

I confess:  I wasn’t all that thrilled about having to go to my daughter’s Confirmation retreat today.  Being a Deacon doesn’t give me special benefits or dispensations (OK, I have a key to the bell tower, which is pretty cool, but that’s it), so like every other eighth grade parent, I had to attend the Confirmation retreat with my daughter this afternoon.  Today, I just wasn’t in the mood.  It was the last thing I needed, and I wasn’t thrilled.  Then I met Colleen Rayner.

An enthusiastic, funny, motivational speaker, Colleen Rayner is the new evangelizer par excellence who led today’s 3-hour retreat.  Her love for God is palpable, and her powerful message is aflame with the Holy Spirit.  Indeed, that’s Colleen’s powerful message in a nutshell – Each of us, empowered by the gifts of the Holy Spirit, can change the world.  Boy, did she change mine.

You see, ministry, like all earthly endeavors, has its ups and downs:  good days and bad days; days when I feel like I’ve done some good, and days when I feel like I should hang up the stole.  For some reason, I’ve allowed the “downs” to take center stage in the recesses of my mind for the past few weeks.  As Colleen would say, I’ve been stuck in Good Friday.  With that frame of mind, I really wasn’t in the mood for a touchy feely, Kumbaya lecture about how God loves me.  “Prove it,” I say.  Well, he did. 

As I listened to her speak, I realized that Colleen was putting into words the very truths that led me to ministry in the first place.  Colleen pointed out that no matter what we do, no matter what we want to be, we will always be one thing for the rest of our lives:  children of God.  She told us that as children of God, we have the power to “light up the world” for the good, so we need to put the time and effort into being the best children of God we can be.  She confirmed that our joy is in God alone – if we want joy in our lives, we need God in our lives. 

One comment in particular really hit home with me, though.  Colleen noted that if we want to criticize the choir for singing off-key or the priest for a boring homily, we’d better be willing to get up there and do it ourselves.  At that point, she pointed to me and jokingly said, “Do you think people really wanted that guy to be a Deacon?  He’s the only one who was willing to step up!”  I laughed so hard I cried.  Colleen’s words brought me back to the time when I was discerning my call to the diaconate, when I had a profound feeling that I should become a deacon because I could.  I remembered the steadfast conviction that God had given me certain talents that I needed to use to build up his Kingdom here on earth.  I remembered being aflame with the Holy Spirit, so much so that I just had to share it with others.  Those feelings came rushing back to me today as I listened to Colleen, and I was thrilled.  I’m certain that God sent Colleen to me today to rekindle that flame in me. 

Colleen Rayner could have picked another career.  She could have passed up the opportunity to speak at our parish today, or she could have called in sick.  She didn’t.  She answered God’s call to spread his Word, and the Holy Spirit worked through her to reach me at that Confirmation retreat today.  That’s how I know that God loves me.  He gave me just what I needed.