Rules of Engagement - A Wedding Homily

Congratulations to Anna and Chris, who celebrated their marriage today!

          A few months ago during one of our marriage preparation sessions, Anna and Chris explained to me some of the challenges that Chris’s work travel introduces into their relationship. Just when they get used to being together, Chris has to travel, and they’re apart for an extended period of time. As soon as they get used to being apart, Chris is back, and they start all over again. We joked that their relationship was kind of like the movie Groundhog Day, where Bill Murray lives the same day over and over again. I left that conversation very impressed with Anna and Chris, because it was clear to me that they’ve figured out how to make their relationship work – they’ve established, to use a military term, rules of engagement for the times they’re together and the times they’re apart. The readings that Anna and Chris have chosen for their ceremony this morning give us some insight into what those rules of engagement are.

          In our first reading from Genesis, we learn that in his infinite wisdom, God determined that “[i]t is not good for man to be alone.” So God created woman, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, to be man’s lifelong companion and partner. From the very beginning of time, men and women were created to come together as husband and wife so they wouldn’t be alone. We’re meant to be together, but sometimes the responsibilities and challenges of life keep us apart. The success of a marriage, then, depends upon shared rules of engagement – ways to preserve, protect and strengthen a marriage in your times together and your times apart.

          What are the rules of engagement for a successful marriage? Well, our Gospel introduces us to the Beatitudes – the eight blessings shared by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. The Beatitudes can be understood as spiritual qualities that lead to a happy life. You might even say that the Beatitudes are Jesus’ rules of engagement for a blessed life. We learn from among the Beatitudes that the humble, the righteous, the merciful, the pure of heart and the peacemakers are truly blessed. I think that we can all agree that these are wonderful qualities – great rules of engagement – to bring to a marriage.

          Saint Paul, in our second reading, brings these rules of engagement into crisper focus when he summarizes the Beatitudes with one word – love. Love is the most excellent way. God created us in love; God sustains us in love; God brings us together in love; and God commands us to love. There’s no rule of engagement greater than love, and no rule of engagement more important for a successful marriage than love.

          And that brings me back to that marriage preparation session when I realized that you’d figured out how to make your relationship work. I realized that your rules of engagement are based on love. During our time together, I’ve seen meekness in Anna in the way she accepts Chris’s difficult travel schedule, and righteousness when Chris’s sense of humor gets a little too close to the line. I’ve seen great mercy in Chris when he cleans up Anna’s mess, and a peacemaker when he agrees to fried chicken when he really wants shrimp for dinner. In all of this, I see great love. I see that your relationship works in your times together and your times apart because you’ve figured out how to love each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. You’ve figured out that love is the ultimate rule of engagement that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

          At the end of Groundhog Day, Bill Murray realizes that he can make each repeated day a little better by changing the way he responds to the people and events he encounters over and over again. Anna and Chris, you’ll have the same opportunity to change every day of your marriage for the better by responding to each other over and over again with humility, righteousness, mercy, purity of heart, and peace. If you continue to live by those rules of engagement, you will live together in love, and as Saint Paul tells us, love never fails.


Readings: Genesis 2: 18-24; Psalm 148; 1 Corinthians 12: 31-13: 8a; Matthew 5: 1-12a

A September 11, 2017 Prayer

Good and gracious God,

We remember and commend to your loving care all who died on September 11, 2001.  May the same Spirit that inspired so many to selfless acts of charity on that fateful day, turn our hearts and minds to all in need, particularly those affected by natural disasters and acts of terrorism, so that we may live always in communion with your divine justice, mercy and peace.

Amen   

Finding Our Way - A Homily for the 23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A

          Last Monday, the Meyer family adopted a three-month old shelter puppy named Homer after the ancient Greek poet-author of The Iliad and The Odyssey.  Like Homer the poet, Homer, the puppy, is blind.  It’s been a fascinating week watching Homer adapt to his new life and surroundings.  To find his way, Homer relies on his acute senses of hearing and smell, and he feels his way around obstacles with his paws.  As amazingly independent as he is, Homer can quickly become disoriented and frightened when the cacophony of new sounds and smells overwhelms him.  That’s when he needs us to help him find his way.  Like Homer, the puppy, all of us need help finding our way every once in a while.  Today’s readings teach us how.  

Our readings this evening remind us that as disciples, we’re called to be watchmen – to guard the truth, proclaim it and correct those who stray from it.  Being a watchman, we learn, involves speaking the truth in love.  But to speak the truth in love, we have to know what the truth is in the first place.  “The ability to see the truth and give witness to it is a gift from God and not something we have earned.”[1]  It’s up to us, then, to receive that gift, open it up and ground ourselves in God’s truth.  How do we do that?  Our readings offer three suggestions.

First, our Psalm calls us to “listen to the voice of the Lord.”  Disciples have to be able to listen and live by God’s word.  Where do we find it?  Let’s start with Scripture.  The Bible, as we know, is the world’s best-selling and most widely-distributed book, but how many of us have a Bible and never crack it open?  To understand the truth, we need to immerse ourselves in Scripture.  We need to dust off our Bible, read it, study it, contemplate how God’s Word applies to our daily lives and listen to it. 

We also find God’s Word in our conscience.  Our conscience is our most secret core and sanctuary where we’re alone with God whose voice echoes in our depths.[2]  To hear God’s voice in our conscience, we have to slow down, be present to ourselves and pay attention.  We need a sense of interiority – all the more so today as our busy lives often deny us opportunities for reflection, self-examination or introspection.  As Saint Augustine reminds us, “Return to your conscience, question it . . .. Turn inward . . ., and in everything you do, see God as your witness.”[3]  Harden not your hearts.  Listen to God’s Word, and you’ll find the truth.

Another way to ground ourselves in the truth is to turn to trusted advisers.  Our Gospel offers a road map for resolving disputes peaceably, telling us to turn to friends and to the Church when disputes escalate and can’t be resolved.  “Among their fellow people of God, aggrieved parties had their best chance of sympathy; among people they trusted, they could be vulnerable and open to correction.”[4]  We all need trusted advisers, wise people we can turn to when we can’t find our way.  We often seek out trusted advisers among our family, friends and mentors, but we can’t forget the Church.  The Church, as the guardian of God’s Word, offers us millennia of consistent reflection upon and interpretation of the truth.  The Church is also our community of friends, our companions on the journey to the truth, and as Homer, the poet, said, “A companion’s words of persuasion are effective.”[5]

Lastly, we ground ourselves in the truth by grounding ourselves in love.  Saint Paul teaches us in our second reading that “love is the fulfillment of the law.”  When we love, we act the way God wants us to act; we act in truth.  “If love is the motivation within the heart, if a person’s whole life is dominated by love for God and love for other people, that person needs no other law.”[6]  If you’re looking for a simple way to find the truth, to find your way in the Odyssey of life, follow St. Paul’s advice:  when in doubt, love. 

          When Homer, the puppy, becomes overwhelmed and frightened, he spins around frantically in circles.  Unfortunately, I see this reaction in a lot of people these days, particularly in our youth and young adults.  In a world where truth is viewed as relative and human interactions are relegated to Snapchats and 148-character Tweets, we’re losing touch with each other, with the truth, and with God.  The result is a dramatic increase in anxiety and depression among people under twenty-five[7] because they’re spinning in circles.  They can’t find their way.  When Homer, the puppy, can’t find his way, we hold him, speak soft words to him and love him.  Through words, community and love, Homer finds his way in this confusing and scary world.  We can, too.

Readings:  Ezekiel 33: 7-9; Psalm 95; Romans 13:8-10; Matthew 18: 15-20

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[1] Jude Winkler, New St. Joseph’s Handbook for Proclaimers of the Word, Liturgical Year A 2017 (New Jersey, Catholic Book Publishing Corp., 2016) at 303.

[2] Catechism of the Catholic Church at 1776.

[3] Saint Augustine, In Evangelium Johannis Tractatus, 8, 9.

[4] Michael Simone, “The Power of the Church at Work,” America, vol. 217, no. 5 (September 4, 2017) at 52.

[5] Homer, The Iliad, XI, I.793.

[6] William Barclay, The Letter to the Romans (Louisville, Westminster John Knox Press, 2002) at 208.

[7] Dr. David Volpi, “Heavy Technology Use Linked to Fatigue, Stress and Depression in Young Adults,” Huff Post, October 2, 2012, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-volpi-md-pc-facs/technology-depression_b_1723625.html. 

Now What?

I recently came across a Facebook post from a Texas man affected by Hurricane Harvey.  He was understandably upset and frustrated.  His post can be summarized as follows: “Please stop praying for us and do something.  Prayers don’t help; actions do.”  With all due respect and empathy for his situation, I beg to differ.  In fact, I think our most important prayer at times like this is, “Now what?”   

Tragedies, like Hurricane Harvey, raise a lot of questions, not the least of which is: “Why does God allow suffering?”  To be clear, God does not will or cause suffering, that would be contrary to God’s nature, but God does allow suffering to occur and continue.  “How,” we ask, “can an omnipotent, omniscient and omnibenevolent God permit evil and suffering?"  The short answer is, we don’t really know.  While there have been many attempts to answer that question, my favorite comes from Saint Augustine: “For Almighty God . . ., because he is supremely good, would never allow any evil whatsoever to exist in his works if he were not so all-powerful and good as to cause good to emerge from evil itself.”  God in his infinite wisdom and power can make a greater good come out of any evil.  Think of it this way, when a small child has his tonsils removed, he doesn’t understand why he has to endure the pain of surgery.  However, his doctors and parents know that the short-term suffering caused by a tonsillectomy will lead to the greater good of better overall health. 

That brings us back to prayer.  We are God’s hands and feet; we are the instruments through which God can make good arise from any evil.  Prayer helps us understand God’s wisdom and fills us with God’s power.  Through prayer, we unite ourselves, our concerns and our needs with God and with each other.  In prayer, we allow the Holy Spirit to fill us with God's eternal love so we can share it with others.  Prayer inspires us to do something.  So in times of tragedy, the very first thing we should do, the best thing we can do, is pray, because prayer leads us to an answer when all we can bear to ask is, “Now what?”

For those who may be looking for an answer to your “now what?” prayer, I contribute to Catholic Charities USA.  It’s a great boots-on-the-ground organization that cares for all people, regardless of religion or any other “category” you can think of, and 100% of contributions are going to those in need.  If you’re inspired to help animals, I contribute to Saint Hubert’s Animal Welfare Center.  This wonderful group took in Texas shelter dogs that were available for adoption prior to the hurricane so the Texas shelters could accommodate the animals that became homeless or displaced as a result of the hurricane, thus making it easier for owners and pets to be reunited.  The Meyers were so impressed with Saint Hubert’s, that part of the answer to our “now what?” prayer was adopting a three-month old, blind puppy re-named Homer (after the blind, Greek poet, not the bumbling cartoon character). 

That simple, two-word prayer opens our hearts to participation in God’s providential plan that “all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”  I think Homer would agree that our most important prayer this weekend was, “Now what?”, and I hope that the people who receive assistance from the countless volunteers and donations inspired by prayer feel the same.