I've been thinking a lot about friends these past few days. It started last Saturday when we had dinner
with a college friend whom we haven’t seen since our wedding day. Yoshiko was visiting New York from Hong Kong,
where she now lives, and we were so happy that she was able to make some time
for us. It was great seeing her, and it
was fun catching up after too many years.
Then, two days ago, I had a dream about a friend whom I haven’t seen or
heard a word from in 15 years. I’m not
superstitious, so I don’t read doom and gloom or foreshadowing into the dream. I was just a little surprised that this
friend emerged from the depths of my subconscious without an apparent trigger. The trifecta will be complete tomorrow when
we get together with my wife’s high school friend and his wife. I've never met them, but I’m really looking
forward to it. I'm hoping to get some scoop
on what my wife was like in high school!
Friendship
has taken on a new meaning today with the birth of social media. We can “friend” just about anyone on Facebook
if they let us (and some people do). These
“friendships” can be maintained by broadly cast postings that anyone and his
brother can read. I’ll be honest, that
kind of friendship worries me. It’s too
easy, and too superficial. Now, don’t
get me wrong: I’m not knocking
Facebook. It can be a great way for
friends to stay connected or to reconnect.
I’m just saying that simply clicking a button on Facebook does not a real
friend make. Real friendship is founded
on trust that takes years to nurture, grow and mature. Real friends know what to say and when, and they know when it’s best not to say anything at all. Real friends have made you laugh so hard that soda shot out of your nose. Real friends
show up when you need them before you've even had the chance to call. “A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who
finds one finds a treasure. A faithful
friend is beyond, price, no sum can balance his worth.” (Sirach 6: 14-15)
Real friends become old friends over time; and
there’s nothing like an old friend. Old
friends have passed the test of time. Old
friends are the people who know enough about you to keep you from revealing
what you know about them. Old friends
don’t make fun of what you look like in old photographs because they’re
standing right there next to you in most of them. Old friends know all of your nicknames and
why you got them in the first place. Simon & Garfunkel said it best: “Old
friends, memory brushes the same years; silently sharing the same fears.”[1] And that’s the trick to old friendships –
sharing. Sharing the happy, the sad, the
silly, the serious, the brilliant, the stupid, the ugly and the beautiful. In short, old friends share their lives with
each other.
I've been blessed to share my life with some great old
friends. My mother’s best friend since she
was in eighth grade and her daughter have known me since the day I was
born. I have a dear friend whom I've known since fourth grade. I’m very happy
that I've stayed close with my college roommate for 25 years, even though we
live on opposite coasts, and I'm even happier that his lips are sealed. I have old friends from past jobs and from
the neighborhoods I used to live in. I
even have an old friend whom I've only known for 7 years. We've shared so many experiences together
that he’s earned transfer credits in the years department. My old friends have been my sturdy
shelter. They are . . . priceless.
To my old friends, well . . . you
already know. To my new friends, I look
forward to becoming old friends with you.
Click here for "Old Friends" by Simon & Garfunkel
You are a great friend!
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