Top Ten Ways the Church Can Help Save the Environment

On the eve of the publication of Laudato Si', Pope Francis’ Encyclical on the environment, here’s my Top Ten Ways the Church Can Help Save the Environment.

10.  Bishops’ mitres double as rain barrels.

Canada Falls (Michael A. Meyer 2014)

9.  Shred and compost papal elector ballots instead of burning them.

8.  Shorter homilies to reduce greenhouse gases.

7.  Replace burning incense with evaporating essential oils.

6.  Ban smoking in Vatican City (after Pope Francis finishes the box of cubans he just received from Raoul).

5.  Start the Easter Vigil in complete darkness to save energy (oh, we already do that).

4.  Pack the pews on Christmas to keep everyone warm (oh, we already do that, too).

3.  Replace polyester vestments with natural fibers.

2.  Invoke the winged angels to fan the congregation on hot summer days.

1.  Crosses double as wind turbines.