The Three-Ply Cord

          A wedding homily for a wonderful couple who tied the knot today.

          It was about a year ago that I first met Victoria and Spencer for our first marriage preparation session.  I distinctly remember that Victoria was very nervous.  Perhaps it was wedding jitters; perhaps it was standing in the presence of such a charismatic deacon – I don’t know – but I do know that she was very nervous.  By stark contrast, Spencer was completely at ease, cool as a cucumber.  While Victoria sat upright, with perfect posture and her hands clenched crisply in her lap, Spencer melted into his chair, leaned back and rested his elbows comfortably on the arm rests.  I found it interesting how two people who had such different reactions to the same situation, could find in each other the perfect partner for marriage.  The readings that Victoria and Spencer chose for us today explain how.

            In our first reading from Genesis, we hear that the creation of woman arises out of God’s loving concern that it’s not good for man to be alone.  (Genesis 2: 18)  Our second reading from Ecclesiastes explains God’s rationale quite simply:  “Two are better than one.”  (Ecclesiastes 4: 9)  A litany of proof follows:  If one falls, the other will help the fallen; if two sleep together they will keep each other warm.   But did you notice that this passage from Ecclesiastes has a curious ending?  Listen to it again:  “Where one alone may be overcome, two together can resist.  A three-ply cord is not easily broken.”  Weren’t we just talking about two being better than one?  Where did three come from?  Well, our Gospel makes that clear.  When two come together in love, nothing can break them.  “Love is the golden thread that binds Jesus, his followers, and the Father, who is love itself.”[1]

            God is love, and Jesus tells us that if we remain in God’s love, our joy will be complete.  “In Christianity, love is the reason, the means, and the end of life.”[2]  We are meant to love.  So while two are better than one, two with love – two with God – can endure all things.  A successful marriage, therefore, needs God; it needs love.

          Now, I don’t want to sound too icky sweet about love because love isn’t always easy.  “Love, as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling.  It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit.”[3]  We have to work at it.  Victoria and Spencer, I’m sure you’ve heard many people say that you have to work at marriage (all of the married couples are nodding their heads – some more enthusiastically than others); well, that’s because you have to work at love.

 

Let’s face it, we’re not always loving, and we’re not always lovable.  But remaining in God’s love, bringing God’s love into your marriage, means that you’ll love anyway.  Remaining in God’s love will mean maintaining a constant contact with him and with each other, arranging life, arranging prayer, arranging silence in such a way that there is never a day when you give yourself a chance to forget God or each other.[4]  It will mean that you’ll accept each other, flaws and all, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, in snoring at night and in bad breath in the morning.  If you remain in God, love will be the tie that binds you.

                    It was about a month ago that I met with Victoria and Spencer for our last marriage preparation session.  I distinctly remember that Spencer was very nervous.  Perhaps it was wedding jitters; perhaps it was standing in the presence of such a charismatic deacon – I don’t know – but I do know that he was very nervous.  By stark contrast, Victoria was completely at ease, cool as a cucumber.  Victoria sat back comfortably in her chair, still with perfect posture and her hands folded gently in her lap, while Spencer leaned forward with his forearms on his knees, wringing his hands and worrying about what I was going to do to him today.  (You ain’t seen nothing, yet).  I still find it interesting how two people who had such different reactions to the same situation could find in each other the perfect partner for marriage.  But Victoria and Spencer, I know how, because during the past year, I’ve seen how much you love each other.  I’ve seen it in the smiles and the laughs you exchange; I’ve seen it in the reassurances and the compromises you offer each other; and I’ve seen it in the way you comfort each other when one of you is nervous.  Two are better than one, but you two are the best because you’ve invited God, you’ve invited love, into your marriage.  If you remain in God’s love, your joy will be complete, and your marriage will be as strong as a three-ply cord.

Readings: Genesis 2: 18-24; Psalm 103;Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12; John 15: 9-12

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[1] Scott M. Lewis, “The Gospel According to John,” New Collegeville Bible Commentary: New Testament, Daniel Durkin, ed. (Collegeville, Liturgical Press, 2009) at 350.

[2] Michael Patella, Angels and Demons: A Christian Primer of the Spiritual World (Collegeville, Liturgical Press, 2010) at 81.

[3] C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York, Harper Collins, 2001) at 109.

[4] See William Barclay, The Gospel of John, vol. 2 (Louisville, Westminster John Knox Press, 1975) at 176.